


What He Has (And What He Doesn't)

by Sivullinen



Category: Hikaru no Go (Anime)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-03
Updated: 2008-10-03
Packaged: 2017-10-02 01:39:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sivullinen/pseuds/Sivullinen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at Touya and Morishita's relationship around the time they got married (but sadly, not with each other).</p>
            </blockquote>





	What He Has (And What He Doesn't)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [lenta_85](http://lenta-85.livejournal.com/) for beta! All the remaining mistakes are mine.

Touya pushes Morishita against the wall and kisses him on the mouth. They're both professional go players going on forty and they're making out in an elevator.

Morishita wraps his arm around Touya and tugs him closer.

*

They both play go for living. Touya Koyo is brilliant at it, reaching great achievements with his inner understanding of go rather than careful study of the game. Morishita sometimes grumbles about it, when he has been studying kifu for hours and Touya has been enjoying himself. Touya will laugh and say that talent at go isn't everything, talent to work hard and still love the game is important, too.

Morishita still thinks that it'd be nicer to simply be good.

*

Touya halts the moment he sets eyes on Morishita.

Morishita doesn't say anything. Touya raises his eyebrows.  
"Eh, no congratulations?"

Morishita clenches his hand. "Congratulations for your third title."

Touya Meijin-Judan-fucking-Oza lets a small smile on his lips. "I wonder if you'll win a title someday."

It hurts.

"You bet," Morishita growls. "If you're not careful I'll surpass you one day."

Instead of replying Touya fixes his eyes on Morishita and his smile becomes a full one. He walks to Morishita and they back against the wall. Touya kisses him, and that immediately makes Morishita so horny he forgets what it was he was supposed to be doing. He opts for stripping Touya out of his fancy clothes.

*

Touya has charisma. Also Morishita himself has fallen prey to that, of course (why else would he still be unmarried at the age of 34 for a man who has sex with him three times a week but dinner only two times a month?) but that doesn't mean he can't detest him for it. He has told this to Touya several times but the only answer he ever gets is laughter.

*

Morishita sits in a dark room with the only light coming from the flickering picture of the television. Touya is being interviewed by National news.

"People call you a go genius, what do you say to that?"

"Oh, I don't know about that. It's all about passion, to me. Go, that's the only passion in my life," Touya laughs.

Morishita thinks of the way Touya gasps when he comes inside Morishita. He thinks of the nights he spends alone in his flat missing Touya more than he is ready to admit even to himself. He thinks of what Touya looks like when he's playing go. He thinks of how he used to tell Touya he had missed him and Touya would only shrug and answer "I'm here now".

*

Touya is kissing Morishita's shoulder and running his hand across his stomach, and it'd be so easy to just let everything be as it is, to content himself to lurk at Touya's side and shadow . To do everything like Touya wants it to be done but still never have him.

He pushes Touya away, for the first time in sixteen years.

"We have to stop this," he says, like it's that simple. But apparently it is.

*

The next spring, Touya gets married with a young girl called Akiko. It is a big event in the go world.

Morishita doesn't get an invitation. He gets married in the autumn.

*

They're in a bathroom in the Go Institute. Morishita can't remember how many times he has given Touya a blowjob there.

Touya washes his hands silently.

"Aren't you going to congratulate me?" Morishita asks. He wonders if Touya even knows for what. It's not like he has talked with Touya in weeks.

"Congratulations for your son."

"You and Akiko-san, are you still trying?"

Touya lowers his gaze. To his horror Morishita realizes that the thought of Touya and Akiko-san makes his stomach lurch and he can't think straight, but he _thinks_ he hates Touya so much that he wants to hit him.

"Or maybe that pretty wife of yours is not pretty enough, or _too_ pretty, if you know what I--" and it's Touya who hits Morishita. Morishita grabs for the collar of Touya's shirt, but he's taken to wearing traditional clothing and Morishita ends up with his hand flat on Touya's bare chest instead. He can't take it anymore - the heat from Touya, and his wife at home, trying to silence little Kazuo's crying, and life just going to hell in general breaks his resolve. He kisses Touya brutally, using his teeth and nearly drawing blood, but Touya doesn't sound displeased.

They rent a hotel room.

*

They're both so fucked up. His wife keeps on saying she wants another child. Morishita just grunts in answer. He wouldn't have thought it would be possible to live with so much guilt, but it doesn't help in resisting the temptation at all. More like the guilty feeling is so bad that he can only forget it if he is fucking Touya.

Touya wins a fourth title, but loses another. Morishita has to struggle to win his matches against lower dans.

Morishita sometimes sleeps on the couch, because his wife touches him at night, trying to get him excited to try another child, but he thinks of Touya and he just can't.

*

"Today has to be cancelled," Touya says. He has called Morishita's home number.

Morishita grunts. He had reserved the hotel room two weeks in advance.

"Akiko is pregnant," Touya says and hangs up.

Morishita hears the beeping sound ten times before he closes the phone. He misses the phone cradle twice before finally managing to put the receiver where it belongs.

*

_Akiko is pregnant._

"What are yo- -aah!" his wife giggles when he kisses her, lifts her up on the table, touches her breast.

"Kazuo is so old, already," he murmurs against her mouth. "And I like the smell of baby powder." Like that's a reason. "Perhaps we'll have a girl, next. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" If only that would be his reason.

She is soft, and willing, and flower-scented. It's all wrong.

_Today has to be cancelled._ And tomorrow and day-after-tomorrow and all days after that.

*

Now, when Morishita sees Touya, they nod politely at each other before continuing their way. Touya gives interviews where he talks about the importance of family's support when winning his fourth title and Morishita... well, he should know how to appreciate having a beautiful wife and two healthy children and a good job.

Because that's all he has.


End file.
